Processing grief can be a challenge to those directly experiencing loss and their loved ones, and put 2020 on top of that and well….. it’s a lot. One thing I learned was that there is no right way to grieve. How your sister, your children, and your spouse will process grief will look different from your own path. And that’s ok, but what we all need are resources so that we can process grief in a way that will help us through it. I am no expert on any of this, and I have been very honest about going to seek help from my medical team when everything started to feel like too much. And I highly suggest you do the same, please reach out for help and talk to your doctor.
When my mother passed away it was the very beginning of COVID. I do not have the strength to get into everything but I can tell you that loosing a loved one during COVID is the most gut wrenching character building life event I ever went through. Everything was so difficult to process, not being able to have a funeral for my mother, no one could console us when we needed it the most, and just feeling alone at a time when I needed to embraced most. It left me feeling so isolated and unsupported in my grief. So I digress, there are no shortcuts in this process, but books, counseling, and just talking can help to in validating our feelings and reactions that we’re feeling during the grieving process. I hope that my list below can help you through your own journey with loss or maybe not being able to see your loved ones due to COVID restrictions.
Books
This book is perfect for a sad mind and broken heart. It’s a simple day by day read that really helped me in the moments that I was missing my mom.
Since mental illness and being depressed is often looked at as tabboo in our culture, this book was so great to read! I HIGHLY recommend reading this book for anyone struggling with loss and the feelings that they’re struggling with.
3. Signs
If you’re like me, you believe in signs. Signs from the universe, signs from God, signs from your loved ones. I have pretty amazing stories that I will share with you about the signs my mother has left me since she’s passed but this book helped me really pay attention to the signs and their messages she was sending me.
Pod-Casts
- Where’s the Grief Finding humor in everything was my mother’s strong point! So I’ve started to do the same, and this podcast helped me laugh even when I wanted to burst out crying (which was oddly therapeutic).
- Terrible Thanks for Asking One question you will get asked over and over and over again is “How are you?” Which can be a loaded question when you’re grieving. This podcast is unbelievably relatable and helps you identify some feelings you might be holding back.
- The Grief Gang Is a great podcast that talk about normalizing death and everything that comes along with it.
- Help 2 Make Sense This podcast helped me talk to my kids about grief. I often forgot that I wasn’t the only one experiencing sadness after my mom’s passing and this podcast helped me use the right language and perspective when discussing grief with my children.
Online Therapy
Betterhelp I’m a HUGE fan of therapy and if there was ever a year to start, now is the time even if you haven’t loss a loved one. They provide convenient, discreet and affordable access to a licensed therapist. “BetterHelp makes professional counseling available anytime, anywhere, through a computer, tablet or smartphone. After you sign up, we will match you to an available counselor who fits your objectives, preferences, and the type of issues you are dealing with. Different counselors have different approaches and areas of focus, so it’s important to find the right person who can achieve the best results for you“.
Stages of Grief
I am still healing and still dealing with a lot of emotions. I know that I will always miss my mother, but through these tools I have been able to breathe a little easier and identify the stages of grief that I am going through. Below is a visual aid for identifying the seven stages of grief after losing a loved one.
Finally I leave you with the poem that my sister wrote about my mother’s passing during COVID.
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“Hug her tightly. When the world gets back to normal and you are able to hug your mom again, hug her tightly and be thankful for that moment, her love, and that hug. A mom’s hug is like no other. You can recognize it with your eyes closed. You can feel it in your dreams. When she’s gone and those dream hugs are all you have it’ll feel so real, and you’ll be so thankful for every hug you’ve ever shared with your mother. Hug. Her. Tightly.” Megan Mulhern
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